In short
Flirting after 40 works best when you lean into what you've got: knowing what you like, a sense of humour about yourself, and better conversation. Flirt Naughty's guide suggests recent photos, honesty about your life, messages in your own voice rather than borrowed slang, and extra care with romance scams, which often target people returning to dating.
| Your advantage | Knowing what you want |
|---|---|
| Photos | Recent, and actually you |
| Write | In your own voice |
| Sexual health (UK) | NHS clinics are free and confidential, no GP referral |
| Watch for | Anyone who asks for money |
If you're flirting again after a long relationship, or you've simply hit an age where the old moves feel a bit silly, it's normal to feel rusty. The good news: most of what makes someone fun to flirt with gets better with age.
What you've got going for you
Flirting after 40 is mostly about being good company, and that's something people tend to get better at. You probably know what you like, what you don't, and what you're not prepared to put up with. You can hold a conversation, laugh at yourself, and tell a story with a proper ending. You're less likely to play games.
That ease is attractive, and it's hard to fake at 25. If you can make someone feel interesting, you're most of the way there.
What's changed since you last did this
The biggest change is that first contact is usually written, and things can move faster than they used to.
| Then | Now |
|---|---|
| Eye contact across a room | A message to a profile, often before you've heard their voice |
| Phone calls to arrange a date | Texting, sometimes for days, before meeting |
| Assumed expectations | A wider mix: relationship, fun and company, or not sure yet |
| Friends introduced you | More people meeting strangers, so safety matters more |
You can set your own pace in all of this; just be clear about it. Our guide to flirting by text covers the basics of written flirting.
What hasn't changed
Curiosity, warmth and a bit of cheek still work. So do noticing something specific about someone, listening properly and making them laugh. The first lines guide, and everything in it about being specific, applies at any age.
Texting without trying to sound 25
Write the way you'd talk. If you wouldn't say "no cap" out loud, don't type it. Full sentences are fine. A well-placed emoji can soften a tease, but you don't need to decorate every message.
Example: "I'll be honest, I haven't done this since the days of texting on a phone with buttons. So be gentle. What's the best thing that happened to you this week?"
A little self-awareness like that is charming, and it gives the other person an easy way in.
Saying what you're looking for
Being clear about what you want is one of the most attractive things you can do at this stage, and it saves everyone time. You don't need a speech; one honest line will do.
- Example: "I'm after good company and a bit of fun, and I'll know if it's more when it's more."
- Example: "Not in a rush for anything serious, but I do like a proper date rather than endless texting."
If you're not sure yet, say that. "Still working it out" is an honest answer.
Your profile and photos
Use recent photos that look like you on a good day, not you a decade ago. Someone who meets you and feels misled will spend the date thinking about it. Include at least one clear photo of your face and one doing something you enjoy.
On your profile, a line about what you're like now beats a list of what you used to do. Our guide to writing a flirty profile has examples.
Children, exes and baggage
You don't need to hide that you've lived a life. Mention children or a past marriage briefly and honestly when it comes up. What you don't need is the full history in the first few messages; save the long version for when you know each other. And as a general rule, the ex is not a flirting topic.
Flirting in person again
Not all flirting starts on a screen, and at this stage of life in-person chances often come from doing things you enjoy anyway. Classes, clubs, walking groups, volunteering and friends' parties put you next to people with a shared interest, which hands you an easy first line.
- Example: "Is it just me, or is this the hardest bit of the whole class?"
- Example: "You look like you've done this walk before. Is the hill as bad as they say?"
The same rules apply as online: something specific, a light reaction, an easy question, then watch how they respond. Our guide to flirting body language covers the signs, and the most important one: if they turn back to their friends, smile and let them go.
Confidence when you don't feel it
Nerves are normal, at any age. Start small: reply to people, ask good questions, and treat each chat as practice rather than a test. If you're naturally reserved, our guide to flirting when you're shy has low-pressure ways in.
Sexual health, if things go further
Sexual health matters at every age, including if you haven't needed to think about it for a long time. Sexually transmitted infections don't care how old you are, condoms are still the simplest protection, and if pregnancy is possible for either of you, contraception still matters too. NHS clinics provide contraception as well as testing.
- UK: NHS sexual health clinics are free and confidential, and you don't need a GP referral. Our UK page explains how to find one and how home test kits work where you live.
- US: the CDC's GetTested locator finds free, low-cost and confidential testing by ZIP code. Our US page has more.
Talking about it before things get physical isn't a mood-killer. A simple "When were you last tested? I was in the spring" is grown-up and, frankly, quite attractive.
Watch out for romance scams
People coming back to dating after a long relationship, a divorce or a bereavement can be targets for romance scammers, who build trust quickly and then ask for money. The pattern is usually the same:
| Stage | What it looks like |
|---|---|
| Fast affection | Intense compliments and talk of a future within days |
| Excuses | A job abroad, a broken camera, always a reason not to video call or meet |
| Moving off-site | Pressure to switch to another app quickly |
| The ask | A crisis, a fee, a ticket to visit you, or an "investment opportunity" |
Never send money, gift cards or crypto to someone you've met online, however real the connection feels. Talk to a friend before doing anything that involves money. If you've already sent some, contact your bank straight away and report it:
- England, Wales and Northern Ireland: Report Fraud, online or on 0300 123 2040
- Scotland: Police Scotland on 101
- US: the FTC at ReportFraud.ftc.gov, and the FBI's Internet Crime Complaint Center at ic3.gov
Our safety page goes through the warning signs in full.
Questions people ask
Is it harder to flirt after 40?
It can feel rusty at first, especially after a long relationship, and the way people meet has changed. But the basics haven't: be curious, be specific, be kind and have fun with it. Many people find flirting easier later on, because they care less about impressing and more about whether they actually enjoy someone's company.
Should I mention my divorce or children?
Mention them briefly and honestly when it's relevant, for example if someone asks what your weekends look like. You don't need to tell the whole story in the first few messages, and the details of a divorce are best saved until you know each other. Keep your children's names, schools and photos off your profile.
Do I need to use emojis and slang to flirt by text?
No. Write the way you talk. Full sentences and proper punctuation are perfectly flirty if the words are warm and specific. Slang you wouldn't say out loud usually reads as trying too hard. An occasional emoji to show you're joking is fine, but you don't need to decorate every message.
How do I flirt with someone younger or older than me?
The same way you'd flirt with anyone: as an equal. Avoid making age the running joke, and don't lead with comments about how young or mature someone looks, which can come across as backhanded. Be clear about what you want early on, because people at different stages of life often want different things.
How can I spot a romance scam?
Be wary of anyone who becomes very affectionate very quickly, always has a reason they can't video call or meet, and then has a crisis, a fee or an investment that needs money. Never send money or gift cards to someone you haven't met. If you've already paid, call your bank straight away and report it.
Keep reading
- Flirting body language: what to look for and what to tryEye contact, smiles, leaning in and touch: how to read signals in clusters, what to try yourself, and when to ask instead.
- Compliments that land, and the ones that fall flatWhy specific compliments about choices beat comments on looks, with examples to adapt and how to take one gracefully.
- Flirting or harassment? Where the line isWhere flirting ends and harassment begins, with a plain checklist, the special cases, and what to do if you're on either side.
- Writing a dating profile with a bit of flirt in itHow to write a profile people want to message: hooks for openers, photos, saying what you want and what to keep private.
Sources
- NHS: sexual health services
- CDC: GetTested
- Report Fraud (England, Wales and Northern Ireland)
- Police Scotland: contact us
- Federal Trade Commission: ReportFraud
- FBI Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3)
Checked 18 October 2026. Spotted something out of date? Tell us.